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" Rain on roof outside window, gray light, deep covers and warm blankets. Rain and nip of autumn in air; nostalgia, itch to work better and bigger. That crisp edge of autumn. "
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been in such a rut lately..

my husbands work schedule is crazy now that he is back with his unit.. & I work nights from 10-6.. So we barely get to spend time with each other..like on the weekends..before I got to work & so not being able to really spend that quality time with him is taking a toll on me.

barely able to see my friends because of my weird work hours since I sleep during the day & such…

stressing about what we’re going to do when my husband gets out of the army next year.. we don’t really have a solid plan yet..& everything I sit down & try to talk to him about it..he doesn’t act like he’s listening..

also I’m kinda bitter over the fact that most of my friends are pregnant or have had kids recently.. & I want us to start trying soon..but my husband won’t even talk about it..if it were his full decision we’d have kids when we’re 40.. which I don’t want.. and torn between wanting a family now & wanting to wait.. since I’m only 21 I want us to experience life without kids for awhile. Get all of the traveling we want to do out of the way.. and both of us graduate college..but then on the other hand..I want us to start trying..and I KNOW that the first option is the one that is the best for both of us right now..because we will both have resentment towards each other if we didn’t wait.. but idk.. I don’t even know what the point of this post was..but I still can’t help but feel a little jealous when my friends talk about their pregnancy.. I’m happy for them, don’t get me wrong. but ugh..I just really don’t know..

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